So the Victorians weren't exactly Puritans. Then again, neither were the Puritans In reality, the Puritans and the Pilgrims arrived separately but since that's the only context in which most of us have even heard of Puritans, we just mentally combined the pilgrims and the Puritans into a single group of people who loved turkey but loathed sex.
Getty Sex with turkeys presented the ultimate conflict of interest. Continue Reading Below Advertisement But those early settlers in America were part of a much larger group in the Church of England who were working to purify the world of anything relating to genitalia. Although sex between unmarried couples was theoretically a crime in Puritan society, that hardly slowed them down.
It just meant that their society was rife with shotgun weddings. According to some studies , up to 1 in 3 Puritan women were pregnant when they were married. The odds of becoming pregnant from one act of intercourse are a lot lower than that, so that's a lot of deviant behavior for a group that cheerfully crushed people to death for looking "witchy.
Ain't no rings on those fingers. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Advertisement Given that they lived in such a repressive and extremist society, these dangerous criminals must have carried out their illicit affairs with discretion, right? The Puritans had sex everywhere. They had sex in churchyards. They had sex in ditches and in hedges. They had sex in bars and in bean patches and on porches. One of the most common places for Puritan servants to have sex was in the kitchen, often while the other servants watched.
It's not even like the clergy were uptight about a little action in the bedroom or bean patch. The Puritan church not only condoned sex for pleasure between married spouses, it actually required it.
Sex was mandatory not only because it produced offspring, but because the Puritans believed that sexually pleasing one's spouse was a religious duty. At least one man was excommunicated from the Puritan church for refusing to have sex with his wife. Impotency or poor sexual performance was considered grounds for divorce, and a man was not to withdraw from his wife in case he ruined her orgasm. Getty "The frilly neck thing is to tickle her -- well, we don't talk about it.
The Puritan church believed that because marriage was between a man, a woman and Jesus, sex should also be between a man, a woman and Jesus. This wasn't even a metaphor: The Puritan church sought converts by describing the "voluptuous delights" that awaited them in heaven with their "heavenly husband.
Jews conduct the marital act by way of a hole cut in a bed sheet, so as to avoid the lustful distractions of nudity. Continue Reading Below Advertisement The story is so pervasive that whenever someone has occasion to discuss Jewish sex, you can be sure there's going to be some snide reference to it.
They joke about it on Curb Your Enthusiasm. When it came time to write a book about the subject, they called it, " The Hole in the Sheet. If the media is to be believed, Orthodox Jewish men must go their whole lives without ever seeing boobs in a sex-related context. These kinds of references tend to be as much a learning experience for Orthodox Jews as they are to other people, since the Jewish community have always made love like normal, non-furry people: In fact, Jewish law actually prohibits clothed or covered sex.
This means that not only are movie portrayals of deliberate Jewish sheet-covering inaccurate, but that those love scenes in which the actress mysteriously leaves her bra on are actually a serious sin in the eyes of God. Well, that's how we choose to interpret it anyway. Getty Continue Reading Below Advertisement But how on earth did such a specifically wacky myth start? The theory is that it arose from the tallit katan, a Jewish religious undergarment that does look a bit like a bed sheet with hole in it: Continue Reading Below Advertisement That thing actually goes over your head.
But back in the day, non-Jewish people saw their Jewish neighbors washing or drying something with a hole in it and thought, "Wow, a penis must go there. But it can be found all over the place: Basically, if you were a male peasant in the Middle Ages, you had about as much a chance of bedding an actual virgin as you did of finding a good Wi-Fi hotspot.
If popular opinion and email forwards are to be trusted, the word "fuck" actually came about because the king's permission was once required to have sex with your wife ever. If you wanted a baby other than the one delivered nine months after your wedding that looks suspiciously like Lord Peeblesworth down the street, you first had to hang a placard outside saying "Fornication Under Consent of the King," or "F.