My husband has been a good provider and a good father to our two children. He has now retired and has lots of free time on his hands. Some time ago, I told him I would no longer be buying his alcohol. Although it is a short drive home, I do worry about him driving in this state. I would have to say vacations are the worst. We usually take vacations with groups of family and friends, so he has opportunities to get away from me. He especially enjoys cruises, where he is free to drink the afternoon and evening away.
He has tried to moderate his drinking in the past, and has been quite successful at times. My personality has definitely changed over the past few years, as I have tried to detach myself from the situation. I used to nag him about it, but now I try to remain quiet. I am at the point now of really resenting him, and have a lot of anger built up inside of me. I am worried about what will happen to us when our youngest child leaves home next year to be married, as we have really drifted apart.
I have always felt like divorce is out of the question for me. I still love him, however I do not love the person he becomes when he is drinking. ANNA Thursday at 8: What to do with our 3 year old daughter? ANNA let me rephrase it…sorry.. Neill Neill Sunday at As to your daughter, I repeat what i sad to Annie: Another article I wrote might be of some help regarding the question of your daughter. You can order it from Amazon or right here. Unhappy and resentful, but divorce unthinkable.
I had to realize I was not obligated to be unhappy. Divorcing, in spite of my beliefs about marriage, was a very important and positive life decision. There is more to life than silent suffering. Dawn Thursday at 2: However, he drinks at least 4 — 8 a day after work and if hard alcohol is available he goes for that first and he will drink it straight.
On his days off he starts drinking in the morning and has an open beer going for most of the day. Our daughter is now 11 and his drinking is as bad as ever. Claire Thursday at We have been together 4 years and I never see him anymore. He goes 3 times a week a least. Everyday after work but 3 or 4 times a week he goes back. He comes home around 3 and he wakes me up by screaming at me about just random things. I still have bruises from last week.
He went a whole 36 hours without even seeing our kids. It just keeps getting worse. I have just made my alcoholic former partner leave my home. We have known each other 18 months.
It was a worldwind romance and he formally moved in with me in June. I knew by then he had a drink problem. I had already felt confused and cried too many tears over ruined plans etc. He assured me that he recogonised he had a problem and was addressing it. He went into addictions counselling, seemed to sort himself out and moved in. I did caution him that I would not live with him if the secret drinking and lying continued and that if it did, he would have to move out.
Needless to say, both the drinking and the lying continued. He did go to addictions counselling, but he lied to the counsellor what was the point in going? What kind of crazy logic is that of an alcoholic?
Anyway, he left this morning. My house is peaceful. Although there is grief for the loss of what I thought we had and the dreams we shared.
I know I must stay strong and not allow myself to weaken by thinking that it can be good and the dreams can be fulfilled.
Please try to get some counselling for yourself. Some space for you to explore your needs and find some strength. Joan Saturday at 1: We both drink, and have drank the entire marriage, but his drinking is out of control.
He lost his job a year and a half ago at the age of 59, right before he was supposed to retire. He got most of his esteem from his job as a GM at a TV station. His alcoholism was under control when he was working, mainly because he worked from 5: Now he starts drinking beer in the morning, and goes all day.
FIrst beer, then vodka, then wine. Right after he was fired, I caught him drinking out of the vodka bottle at 9: He said he was going to try and slow down the drinking, and even told his doctor. But it has just spun out of control. He has always had a love of alcohol. We had a great family life I thought , but the problem was always there.
I have no job, and I turn 60 this month. He has been verbally abusive in the past, and I did reach that conclusion 20 years ago. With all this time on his hands, he drinks constantly. He has no hobbies to keep him busy. My husband 39 and I 44 have been married 10 years and have 2 young children plus 1 tenager from my prev marriage. None the less, he put himself through college and has a good job as an engineer.
Our life is ok, but busy and stressful. Because of his personality, my husband has taken the role of taking care of everything for us, his extended family, and others. He feels the burden of responsibility daily. He is a realist and a pessimist whereas I am an optimist and that drives him crazy.
Those are the reasons he gives for drinking. He thinks when he drinks, it allows him to be honest with his feelings. I find myself becoming numb to his verbal snipes and we can go for days without talking much.
He usually apologizes for what he said but never for drinking. I am babbling, my question is, do I tell our children 14, 5, 3?
But, regardless, I can tell by his eyes and demeanor when he drinks. Dee Tuesday at I am married to an alcoholic who is highly functioning he is an attorney but also deeply rooted in denial. And the highly functioning part becomes less so over the years. He has completely let himself go he is He goes days without showering unless he has a client or court date. He drinks at least a 12 pack a day and consumes alcohol while he drives the empty beer cans are left in the console of his car.
He does not exercise at all. He just works and stands at his work bench in the garage and drinks and smokes cigars. I am financially trapped. There is no codependency and no being enmeshed. I am clear with him that his lifestyle is unacceptable to me. I have my own life, my own friends, I am graduating from law school in 3 months and as soon as I am able, I will be gone. What a waste of a life. We have 3 daughters, aged 11, 10 and 3. He hates me havin a life. He had over the past couple of yrs started messing with my head, so it always feels like I am the 1 in the wrong—its all my fault.
Alcoholics have to blame others, so how could he blame you for ending the marriage if he left?