Should I have sex with my ex? Do you want sex, to get her back, or just some time to decide? Are you worried about finding someone new or better? Do the two of you want to have sex for the same reasons? Is she showing indicators of interest IOIs? Will having sex with the ex help you get her back — or is now the wrong time for that step?
Is she your ex-girlfriend, ex-live-in-girlfriend, or ex-wife? Do you have children together? Why did you break up in the first place? Is it wrong to sleep with your ex? However, your ex may want what you want. If you miss her and want her back, she may feel the same way.
But, she may not be looking for the same thing you are. In some cases, sex with the ex is the right move — but tread carefully. You need to examine her behavior, agenda, and motives. Without the constraints of a relationship, both of you can take more liberties and ask for what you really want in bed. Make sure both of you want the same thing the key to success in any of these scenarios. Yes, you run the risk of leading her on if she desperately wants to get you back.
However, you risk hurting yourself if you decide you want to give it another go and she says no. Talk with your ex after hooking up but not immediately after sex — wait until the next day or so. Meet in a neutral location like a coffee shop and have a frank discussion. If you and your ex are really going to get back together, you need time, space, and better communication than before.
Remember, have compassion for your ex. The difference is in the timing: Guys get attached more gradually: On a physiological level, women are gambling on not getting pregnant every time they hook up with a guy. Casual sex when you want more is torture. Sex with the ex plays a huge part in getting back together.
If your ex-partner is showing signs of possibly wanting you back, having sex with an ex may be appropriate. Remember to maintain a healthy balance between your desire for her and hers for you. If this is going to work out, you need a solid plan , self-control, and a long-term outlook. You may be able to get her back in bed — but can you get her back in your life?
You can only fix your relationship and keep it going this time if you address the core reasons the two of you broke up. You need to get real with each other — getting back in the sack is important — but just one of many milestones on your journey together. Have some compassion and some class and move on. Luckily, the period right after a breakup is the perfect time for casual sex. Put away the Kleenex, stop binge-watching Netflix, and go out with your buddies.
Because every hookup might lead to a longer-term relationship LTR , you want to say the right things. You want to give yourself the option of converting your short-term relationships into longer ones, if things go well.
Give your ex time to heal, go out, and meet new women. Your ex will see you in a new light once she realizes you can attract and sleep with other beautiful women! However, does she want any more than that? As I said above, she may want you back — or only as a backup plan.
Or, she may not know what she wants. If your ex wants to have sex with you, examine the power relationships that existed before you split up: Who broke up with whom? Did you break up in a fight, or without much passion?
Did the person who initiated the breakup lose interest in the other, or were they seeking better treatment? Did either one or both of you cheat? Who made the decision to break up — and why? The person who chose to end your relationship has the upper hand in certain ways. Maybe you found out she was cheating and ended things.
She showed disinterest in you by cheating and by letting you find out about it. Yes, you may have the upper hand in your relationship after your breakup. Do you still have strong feelings for each other? If the two of you broke up in a passionate fight, you have a good chance of getting back together. Imagine — you want her to stop flirting with other guys but want her so badly you overlook it sometimes. You and your ex need to communicate, take time to mature, and compromise.
You have to reel in your jealousy; conversely, she needs to respect your feelings. The trick is to do this at the same time. Define small, concrete steps for each of you to take. Build on this success with more mutual compromises until you get back together — and for the rest of your relationship! Do you really want to get back together, just to go through another breakup?
To your knowledge, is cheating an issue? If you cheated and she wants you back, realize that the power dynamic has shifted between the two of you. The guilt and regret you feel about cheating are necessary feelings for the healing of your relationship. However, your ex can also leverage them to get what she wants, going forward. Sex with the ex can create a new bond after cheating, but be prepared: After behaving in a lovey-dovey way and sleeping with you, she may well feel safe to hurl abuse in your direction.
It will take a long time and many hills and valleys to get through this and fix your relationship. You need to apologize and—more importantly—demonstrate that you can be trusted. This process will take a long time, and you need to be absolutely certain you want to get back with this woman for good. You need to enforce strong boundaries and wait to have sex with her until you can trust her again. Sad to say, your ex probably cheated on you because she wanted someone higher up the food chain.
She was likely keeping you around until she got this guy or one of a number of guys to commit. Remember — women can usually get sex by throwing themselves at guys, but not all of them will stick around. This demonstration process will take time — and it may be better for you both to see other people while you get your shit together. She may have thought you were cheating on her and started looking for a backup guy.
In this case, she wants the opposite of the previous example. If you want to get back with her, you have a good chance. It will take some work on your part to let her win once in a while and compromise more often. Women have an amazing ability to mask their true feelings. As I explain in the Finding the Perfect Time section below, you need to do this too! Is she posting on social media about the value of love and commitment a good sign she wants to get back together unless you cheated?
Is she posting about the value of adventure and independence from men not a good sign? Remember, she may be very subtly communicating her feelings to her friends to get support and attention with images and shares, not deeply personal and obvious social media posts.
After your no contact period , continue with only the slightest of communication. Keep sexual innuendo out of it — simply showing her attention communicates your willingness to hook up.
Drive her crazy by demonstrating strength and accepting she has other options in the dating pool — though none as good as you, of course! Can sex get your ex back — and is now the right time?
But the short answer is that yes, sex can actually get your ex back in some cases. Typically, these reasons revolve around the power issues between you. At each step of the getting-back-together process, you need to demonstrate your desire to walk away — just as much as your willingness to give it another shot. After breakups, women may keep having sex with their exes while they test out their new boyfriends for suitability. You may be only her backup plan. Remember — you and your ex need to communicate about your core issues.
This process takes time and effort — not makeup sex. If the two of you are working through your issues and you feel a strong momentum towards success, consider letting your walls down, risking getting hurt, and sleeping with her. The trick is to ease slowly back into intimacy.