The real deal on getting back in the sack postbaby. I'm a new mom, and I have no sex life. Right now, sex seems uncomfortable, time-consuming, and oddly depressing. My friend, Beth, is a new mom too Which of us is normal? Well, according to Dr. To help ease your mind and mine , let's take a look at a few real-mom examples from the message boards. My baby was eight weeks yesterday and we still haven't.
I am so, so scared. Nearly all of us are slightly terrified of that first go-round. How much different will it be? Will two gallons of lube be enough? Most OBs give the green light for nookie at about six weeks postpartum, but that doesn't mean you have to go straight home and shag. Wider says some women are ready for sex before six weeks, and others still aren't ready at six months. And try not to brag too much to those of us who aren't quite there yet.
No amount of lube will help. It is so uncomfortable. Even if the pain subsides, the fear of pain can kill a person's libido," Wider explains. Some people feel pain for weeks or months, and tears or episiotomy repairs can add to the discomfort, but rest assured that the pain almost always disappears with time.
For now, you can ask your doctor about treatments like a vaginal cream that can help get your body back in working order. I breastfeed, and since having my son, I feel like I could never have sex again and be okay.
And we're not just talking about less desire — many breastfeeding moms complain of vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse. Plus, breastfeeding or not, dealing with an infant is exhausting and often stressful, knocking sex down a few rungs on the priority list. It makes me self-conscious that I gross him out now.
New dads are exhausted and stressed too, and may be worried about hurting their partner. Some fathers have even been known to suffer from postpartum depression. Be open with him about the status of your nether regions, and ease back into action gently, without putting too much pressure on either of you. And no, we are not one of those couples that normally go that long. Your life is going through some major changes, and it's easy to get caught up in baby care, financial stresses, and simply getting stuff done.
Try baby steps toward getting your groove back. For starters, find time to cuddle, and focus on connecting emotionally. The closer you feel emotionally, the easier it will be to be physical. We don't all drop the baby weight at the same rate. We don't have the same experiences with breastfeeding. Our babies won't all learn to roll over on the exact same day.
And our sex lives aren't likely to match up either. Instead of focusing on whether you're "normal" you are , try to focus on where you'd like your sex life to be.
Open the lines of communication and give yourself time — you'll get there.