Getting the truth straight up makes us uncomfortable. It can be painful. It forces us to see parts of ourselves that need to be improved or changed completely. Harsh realities made me defensive and stuck in denial. But deep down, I struggled so much because I knew they were true. Part of my job as dating coach is to occasionally dole out some of these harsh truths.
Otherwise, how else are you going to know? Your friends and family care too much about your feelings to tell you. I understand your romantic life is a personal and touchy subject. When a girl likes you, she wants to see you.
She wants to invest in you and continue the connection. The women who like to be chased endlessly are usually doing it for attention and as a result of low self-esteem. Too many people jump into relationships with the first person that shows them interest. They would just rather be with someone than alone. That in itself is unhealthy and the beginning of a codependent relationship. What are the chances that the first person you connect with is a perfect match?
If you want to find a high-quality person who has their shit together, you have to become one, too. Getting the girl is easy, keeping her is the hard part. Everybody wants band-aid solutions. Guys want to know how to instantly get over approach anxiety. Discover the one secret to having amazing conversations or becoming a natural flirt. Find that illusive cure to all their problems.
What steps in my life do I need to take to be a more attractive person long-term? Shortsighted thinking is not an effective relationship strategy.
But you can only fake it for so long. You eventually lose the women you care about. It happened to me. Healthy relationships take constant work from both parties. You need to maintain the connection between you — especially sexually. They laugh, touch, and flirt like a new couple. Their passion is almost tangible. If you want an amazing, fulfilling relationship, you need to be in it for the long haul. And you should start now.
I learned this the hard way. Oh how wrong I was. Everyone has a breaking point and will eventually break free from being controlled. That can happen through building resentment, shutting you out, ending the relationship, or you guessed it — cheating.
What you can control is finding the right person for you and striving to be the best partner possible. Communicate your feelings openly and directly. State your boundaries but also be reasonable. People tend to cheat when they feel something is lacking in their relationship — either emotionally or romantically. For the people who cheat even then, why would you want to be in a relationship with them?
Is she communicating as much as she used to? Has she been investing in a romantic way flirting, getting intimate? Is she hanging out with you and saying she wants to be a couple again?
It sucks but you need to respect her decision and start moving on. Invite her to hang out. Flirt with her, be physical, and go for a kiss. Most importantly, remember that her rejection does not reflect your worth as a human being.
That perfect girl you put on a pedestal probably has had naughty sex and dirty thoughts. This girl you like, is she a virgin? And do you think it was all friendliness and rose petals?
There was probably a lot of moaning. She probably tried different positions. She may even use a toy that vibrates or one that she puts inside her. My point is to stop associating flirting and showing your romantic intentions as shameful.
Desiring a woman does not make you a pervert. Sex is healthy and everyone wants it. Show her you want sex with her for the right reasons. She just wants to know you specifically like her and everything she has to offer. Listen intently , care about her passions, share your commonalities, tell each other stories , and build a deeper connection.
Someone is going to make a move on her, might as well be you. Have a free session with me. Sign up below to get immediate access to the First Date Field Manual.
As for other boundaries like being respectful of your opinions and time, voice them as those issues come up. If she says something that was impolite or offends you, firmly but politely let her know. All of your 6 dating truths are spot-on. That said, from my own experience, I can tell you that the lack of this abundance mentality when meeting women often comes from the lack of belief in yourself as a sexually free man.
And, one of the keys to accepting that new belief is exactly what you describe as the dating truth 6: Having a mentality of abundance is important to all aspects of life.
It comes back to realizing your own value and self-worth. Loving yourself and validating yourself as an amazing person rather than from outside sources, such as the women you meet. Send me over your ideas! Reply T on March 31, This is actually really good advice.
And, more importantly, I think it applies to both genders. I wanted to make it neutral but a few points I felt were really specific to men. I actually have a follow up article specifically for women on the way. Nick on March 31, Hey Nick, What are your thoughts about avoiding being the rebound, as in dating a woman just out of a relationship? I think that would be a good blog post in the future.
That said, I always advise leading with what you want. If you become romantic with her, all you can do is be upfront about what you want. After things get more intimate, you can let her know that you want something meaningful and not just a fling.