Are these jokes based on a kernel of truth? Do married people really have less sex? In some ways our relationships change, but many differences between married and unmarried couples are advantageous for spouses: Married individuals report stronger relationship satisfaction than cohabitating counterparts. Further, married couples are more committed to one another than cohabitating pairs.
It is important to recognize that some individuals—especially women—who are dissatisfied with their sex lives actually desire less sex in their relationships rather than more Smith et al.
Once the frequency of sex declines, a couple may grow used to that decreased level of sexual activity Call et al. This increase in sex found in remarriages may be due to the novelty of a new sex partner or it may be that people have simply left unhappy marriages for happier and sexier relationships.
You ever try to have sex with two little kids in the same house? Married individuals are more likely than cohabitating counterparts to have children, and those children can definitely interfere with plans for a passionate evening. Yabiku and Gager suggest that married individuals spend less time having sex because they devote more time to other activities, including child care. Further, marriages tend to last longer than cohabitating relationships.
Future research will be necessary to determine whether coital frequency declines in longer cohabitating relationships as well Call et al. If you have children, set aside some kid-free time for you and your spouse. Hire a sitter on a regular basis, or take a long lunch break. Your marriage is important. If you need to, schedule time for intimacy just as you would schedule time for an important task at work.
Talk with your spouse about his or her sexual desires. Make sure you are on the same page with respect to the desired frequency of sex as well as the types of sexual behaviors you desire. Although you may not be able to make your spouse "novel," you can add novelty to your usual sexual script.
Try varying the location of your trysts, consider wearing something different, applying a novel scent , listening to romantic music, etc. If you have the means, visit an exotic destination.
Work on your marital satisfaction. More satisfied couples share more sexual intimacy Call et al. Take some time to decide what you can do for your relationship to make you happier as a couple.
Stop ruminating about the frequency of sex. Research shows that the quality of marital sex has a stronger impact on relationship satisfaction than the quantity Schoenfeld et al.
Keep your sense of humor. I happened to run into her at the grocery store and we talked together for a while. Copyright Madeleine A. Please see my other posts here.