Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own. Never use your real name. No one goes home alone. Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher. Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms. Blend in by standing out. Be the life of the party. Whatever it takes to get in, get in. Invitations are for pussies. When it stops being fun, break something. Bridesmaids are desperate, console them.
You're a distant relative of a dead cousin. Fight the urge to tell the truth. Always have an up-to-date family tree. Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night. You love animals and children. Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it. The older the better, the younger the better See rule below Rule Definitely make sure she's at least eighteen. You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. There's nothing wrong with having seconds.
Provided there's enough women to go around. If you get outted, leave calmly. You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant. Of course you love her. The machinery must work in order to close. Make sure there's an open bar.
Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again. Know the playbook so you can call an audible. If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know. Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse. Never go back to your place.
Be gone by sunrise. Breakfast is for closers. Your favorite movie is "The English Patient". At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher. Never hit on the bride. It's a one-way ticket to the pavement. The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor. Dance with old folks and the kids.
The girls will think you're "sweet". Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun. At the service, sit in the fifth row.
It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after, but don't talk about it. Then walk away, She'll follow. Always remember your fake name. The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising".
You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church. Always work the following into a conversation: But how does one buy happiness? It draws out the "healer" in women. Always pull out in time. Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay, but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today. Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary. If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle Ned.
Everyone has an Uncle Ned. Don't fixate on one woman. Always have a back-up. When seeing a rival crasher, do not interact. Merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on. The Ferrari's in the shop. If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield. No "chicken dancing", no exceptions.
When crashing out of state, request permission from a local Wedding Crasher chapter. No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy. Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm. Always save room for cake. When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island. You're having the time of your life. Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past. No sex on the altar. Two shut-outs in a row? It's time to take a week off.
Research, research, research the wedding party, and when you are done researching, research some more. Studies show that women have a more developed sense of smell. Play like a champion. In case of emergency, refer to the playbook. Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up. Keep interactions with the parents of the bride to a minimum. No excuses, play like a champion. The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served dinner first.
Occasionally bring a real gift. You're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.