Published November 28, Updated May 11, Have a sex question? I am really into a guy I have been dating for three weeks. He keeps inviting me to his house to "watch a movie" but I think you and I know what that means. I want to go over and I want to have sex with him — but I keep making dinner dates instead. My friends and magazine articles, to be honest tell me to wait to have sex — the longer I wait, the longer our relationship will last. Is that really true?
How do I know he's into me on a relationship level before we have sex? Waiting for sex is like waiting for Christmas: The anticipation and the build-up for the big day is what makes it great.
There are only weeks left until Dec. Story continues below advertisement Start your own pseudo advent calendar and begin the waiting game. Keep it up with those dinner dates. Go to his house and watch a movie as an aside, sometimes a movie is just a movie but keep it PG.
Admittedly, this advice goes against most other facets of my life. If you want it, do not wait. If this were a new job, shoes or a Groupon deal, never wait. But with sex, you send a big, important message by holding off: No, it's not about game playing.
It's about getting him to realize how great you are, fully dressed. And you can't really underestimate the power of male yearning. I can vouch from personal experience: Developing a connection over multiple dates while clothed is a really great thing. I know this makes me sound ol' timey and anti-feminist, but for me, the waiting game is crucial if a substantial relationship is what you desire.
It may seem counter-intuitive not to progress the relationship as quickly as possible, but if he's worth it, you let the heat build, gradually, over at least a few months. Just to be sure I'm not crazy, I asked a professional for their take. Story continues below advertisement Story continues below advertisement "That's crazy," says Dr. Stephen De Wit, a sexologist in Toronto with a doctorate in human sexuality. I'm sexually attracted to you, I want to have a relationship and I want to come over.
Are you looking for something casual or something more serious? As a girl hardwired to never reveal too much too soon, this advice has me gaping at the phone handset. We're going to tell them they have to wait to connect sexually — for what?
In the name of research, I pried deep into the sexual history of Allen, my entirely platonic male friend at a Toronto Maple Leafs game, the most dude-liest of atmospheres.
I confess to my ideals: You should be Facebook friends, know each other's middle names and have had at least five dates before getting naked. Allen cringes and yells at me while banging on the glass.
There shouldn't be rules around how long and when because it's different for every couple. But he admits that the best relationship of his life was when he "built a friendship and mutual respect while not-so-secretly wanting to get into bed.
It was well worth it. Rules are meant to be broken, I guess. Good things come to those who wait. Patience is a virtue, and, at just three weeks in, you'll need to be virtuous — for now. Have a sex question? Follow Amberly McAteer on Twitter amberlym.