Close Some shudder just hearing it — the sexless marriage. Yet before they know it, married people and cohabitants alike find themselves erotically exiled, as if put on an involuntary sex diet. A sexless marriage is a marriage where one partner feels that there is too little sex, or no sex at all. Cathy Meyer explains that the problem occurs when there is a major difference in sexual needs and desires of the different marriage partners. Janice, on the other hand, has a very healthy sexual appetite and actually needs to have sex three times a week to satisfy her needs.
Unfortunately she had absolutely no control over her needs because Jay was the one who made the decisions when it came to the bedroom. Sex happened according to his requirements and because he believed they had a satisfying sex life. His needs were fulfilled — so in his mind, there was no problem! The situation illustrated above is a very common problem.
Are you, like Janice, trapped in a sexless marriage? Maybe you have already become accustomed to feeling undesirable, unattractive and rejected by your mate. I heard that some men were put off by the fact of a woman being pregnant, but also that other men relished the idea of pampering their pregnant wives by being extra loving towards them.
I thought to myself: Not long after that, Pulani and het partner got married and she kept hoping that things would change. I counted the days. Many years passed and still there was no improvement. Obviously he heard of foreplay before.
In the mean time we have cut the mattress in half so that I can feel cut off from the pain caused by being close to a man who I love, but who has no desire to be near me. Love should be expressed. Sex is a God given way to do just this. What is the point of a sexless marriage? Marriage is a unity between two souls, two spirits and two bodies. To love someone and have them love you back, to be touched in a way that binds two souls together.
I want to be understood and to feel safe in a relationship again. Most people have no clue how sex got banished from the bedroom. The million-dollar question they pose to sex experts: How do we escape this four-post desert island and begin feasting on each other once more? The more sex couples have, the more happiness reported, according to Denise Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University.
Complementary research findings indicate that couples in sexless unions are less happy than those having sex. A sexless union may come about for many reasons, including a combination of any of the following.
It could be that: A couple never had a lot of sex to begin with; A specific event led to no sex, e. A problem worth solving.. Being intimate in ways beyond the bedroom is perfectly fine. Yet the importance of sex is not to be underestimated.
In a study, Donnelly found that those in a sexless marriage are likelier to have thoughts about divorce than those in sexually active marriages. Research published in the Journal of Sex Research in further reported that those who are involuntarily celibate frequently experience anger, self-doubt, frustration and depression.
Such data should be plenty of incentive to end this sexual starvation. Let it go any longer, and one becomes weaker with greater frustration, feelings of isolation, and lower self-esteem. Why suffer when some relationship CPR could breathe new life back into your relationship?
The more sex couples have, the more happiness reported, according to Donnelly. So how does one resuscitate the sex in their relationship? By taking care of the sex bit, one must attend to other matters as well. An action plan should include the following: You need to start with yourself, asking some tough questions on how your relationship got to this point.
Items to consider include: What does the lack of sex indicate? Has your relationship reached its expiration date? Or, is there a much bigger problem to tackle outside of the bedroom? Talk about your sex life and relationship. This matter can be very difficult to discuss, but is well worth the effort since couples who talk about sex tend to have healthier marriages. In doing so, you want to raise awareness without blaming or sulking. Let your partner know that you want to talk about what can be done to fix things.
Only worry about yourselves. You are in this for you, and you do not need to keep up with the Joneses. Plan for a break. Get sex off the backburner by making time for it on a regular basis.
While the occasional vacation can be just what the doctor ordered, seek to take time off from work and send any kids away! Balance this with efforts to connect outside the bedroom and in non-sexual ways. Seek professional help to establish or re-establish communication. Working with a therapist or counsellor is great to establish a safe environment.
Such a professional can help you to reach your goals, examine the reasons for a lack of motivation, and face past and present influences that are contributing to the situation.
By dealing with the sex specifically, a sex therapist can further assist you in overcoming obstacles, strategising, and dealing with issues like sexual trauma, fears about sex, and how to have better sex. An important bond Part of the cause for a sexless marriage could be that the couple does not realise the importance of the connection or bond between intimacy and sex. The amazing thing about sex is that it improves when the intimacy between husband and wife increases.
The first step is to identify what the underlying issues are. Secondly you must come up with practical solutions for these problems.