Tweet Pin I was a horny kid. From the time I was 5, I had no qualms about sticking my fingers up my lady parts because it felt good. By 9, I had mastered masturbation thank you bathtub faucet , and by 13, I became sexually active. I didn't have a lot of guidance in the area of sex and relationships, and no one to talk to when I discovered intimacy. When I became a mother, my first instinct was to protect my children from making the mistakes I did too many lovers, too young, too reckless.
At first, I warned them to avoid sex until marriage, but somewhere along the line I realized I was being a complete hypocrite. Buying your daughter a vibrator: I decided that above all else, I wanted an honest, loving relationship with my sons about all topics, including sex.
What I hoped was that my sons would see physical intimacy as a valuable experience in a committed relationship. Most importantly, I wanted a different outcome for my children than what I had, and so I had to be willing to try something different. I made sex an easy-to-approach topic. If asked, I spoke frankly and honestly with my children about whatever they wanted to know. In our family, sex is treated as normally as eating and sleeping.
My husband and I have made it a point to teach our sons that protected, consensual sex can be a positive, healthy experience. Like me, my sons expressed a certain natural joie de vivre when it came to their sexuality, and it was no shock when my eldest son, then 16, began a physically intimate relationship with his long-term girlfriend. A year after their relationship started, my son and I found ourselves in a deep discussion about animals and nature, which then led to the topic of sex.
My son told me that he and his girlfriend were intimate a few times a week, and then, out of the blue shared a concern he had about not pleasing her. He was 17 and looking to me for support, and because I had taught him that it was OK to speak about sex, he felt safe talking to me about his performance worries.
Will Smith reminds us that it's our job as parents to gross our kids out So, I took a deep breath and went with it. Yes, I felt my face get red. A dildo is just a fake penis, where as a vibrator, which some dildos have, is meant for stimulating the clitoris.
Oral sex is another way to do that, but the focus needs to be on the clitoris for her to climax. I said all of that in my kitchen to my teenage son. And, I kept a straight face I reminded him of the need to have safe sex and also, to talk to his girlfriend about what she liked specifically. I know plenty of parents reading this will either be grossed out or think I am the worst parent imaginable. Your kids are still going to have sex at some point in their lives, and studies show that abstinence-only education is the least effective form of curbing teen sexual behavior.
That makes every uncomfortable discussion worth it, in my book.