Sex crazy convicts comic book. .



Sex crazy convicts comic book

Sex crazy convicts comic book

You get the Bible. Or large chunks of it, anyway. Sure, rather than using phrases such as "reverse frog squat," or "slinging manjam," Biblical sex is referenced almost exclusively as "coming in unto" a phrase still used by porn stars who tend to drop the "in unto". But once you get past the unimaginative verbs, the Bible has some nasty, nasty stories. Sunday school lessons tend to focus on God turning Lot's wife into a pillar of salt like she's starring in one of Sarah Connor's nightmares from T2.

It's the sort of imagery that might distract you from something like flagrant incest. But sure enough, at Genesis Or maybe they just thought that a world populated by exponentially degenerative DNA sounded funny.

To their credit, maybe that's why we have viral videos today. To Make it Even Weirder Speaking of people who might want to steer clear of drinking games, the Bible seems to blame the whole thing on booze, a strategy you'll recognize from work the morning after karaoke night. The alcohol in this case is wine, which raises the question: His boss, Laban, promised his daughter Rachel in exchange for seven years of work.

After the seven years, Laban pulled a fast one and swapped in his ugly daughter, Leah, instead: Continue Reading Below Advertisement Unless Leah and Rachel were sisters of the identical "Mary-Kate and Ashley" variety, there is very little reason why Jacob wouldn't realize fairly early in the process that he had the wrong sister. Who knows, maybe they were serving some of Lot's date-rape wine at the party.

The Torah offers further exposition in Megillah 13b: Jacob and Rachel had actually expected Laban to perform the wife-swap and devised a secret signal to reveal that it was really her under the veil apparently lifting the veil was too obvious a solution. Continue Reading Below Advertisement However, in a last-minute display of womanly wile what Toran scholars agree is "bitchiness" in modern English , Rachel taught Leah the signal, and she used it to double-double cross Jacob, fucking him in every possible meaning of the word.

After waking up to the presumably hideous Leah, Jacob offered to work another seven years just to get Rachel. Leah, however, was named after "hidden beauty," or "butterface. If you read the passage again you'll notice that right in the middle of it is mention of a third woman: Zilpah, Leah's "hand maid. What was she doing there? Is it our fault that we're picturing that whole scene as just a writhing Chex mix of sex organs? If you've ever heard masturbation referred to as "onanism", well, you've got one guy to thank.

Onan was apparently one of the pioneers in the art of ejaculating somewhere other than into a sex partner, as we see in Judah Onan's the one in the background, walking away to go masturbate behind those rocks. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Now there's something a woman never forgets. You're getting busy with your husband's brother, he splooges on the ground, and promptly gets slain by the LORD.

This particular verse was taken slightly out-of-context when it gave birth to "onanism," which refers to both coitus interruptus and masturbation.

It's probably just as well that he died, and didn't have to walk around the rest of his life listening to people refer to jerking off as "Doing an Onan. This story became the basis for Christian arguments against masturbation. The story does not address the counter-argument: But more importantly, what about women?

They don't have seeds to spill at their whimsy. Yet female masturbation never come up in the thousand or so pages in which he rambles about everything from having almonds in your diet to how he owns an awesome robe.

Surely a fair God who loves all his children equally wouldn't allow women to masturbate and not men! Continue Reading Below Advertisement Or we could just point out that if God killed everyone who masturbated, Japan would have ceased to exist sometime in You'd think the Bible would've just edited out all of the misconceptions involving veils, considering how many times people accidentally have sex with the wrong person in this book.

Pesky veils, and now our only excuses are This feels exactly like strangling my daughter-in-law. Our women are free to just walk around with their faces flapping in the wind, heralding their identity to the world. You have to hand it to the countries where women still wear veils: Note that the frisky femme above is the same femme Tamar who got to witness Onan being slain by the LORD for coitus interruptus. Getting right back on that horse, Tamar!

Only instead of a horse, it's Judah--Onan's dad. If you don't think that's hot, you've The below references can be seen in 1: OK, the whole thing was pretty much "Titties, titties, I love titties. We don't know why this is in the Bible, and we don't care! If Danielle Steele wants to write songs about Solomons and throbbing members and shit, who are we to tell her no? Not Biblical scholars, that's who.

If Soloman had stuck around to write the whole Bible, we might've gotten a more ripped Jesus and bodice cleavage so awesome it deserves a cinematic vehicle all its own. Continue Reading Below Advertisement The reference to women with tower-breasts has caused some confusion, though. Since we prefer a literal interpretation, we think Solomon's concubines had breasts that were three stories tall with look-out posts in the cleavage. Either way, the Bible is a bigger supporter of breasts than a push-up bra.

If you don't like that, then you can be the one to explain to God why you chose to illustrate every book of the Bible except this one. But probably nothing in the book tops what happens in Genesis 6: Continue Reading Below Advertisement Just to be clear, because there is some confusion: We know a suspicious amount of information about sex, yes, and are pithy like House, but are not technically "doctors.

In case you haven't taken fifth grade science, it basically something about how Like we said, we're not doctors. We do know that the baby of an African person and a Chinese person looks kind of African and kind of Chinese; from this we can infer that the baby of a giant and a woman would look kind of like a HUGE baby.

This did not deter the women of the day, who may have gone along with the whole thing based on a preconception about giants and giant genitalia. We're guessing that didn't last long, as thresholds for pain eventually give way and even if they don't, vaginas do.

And nine months later, surprise! You're giving birth to a veritable six-year-old! Hope you've been having so much giant-sex in the meantime that your vagina is approximately as passable as a Slip N Slide, because that's going to come in handy when Junior runs out of it, already holding a Nerf ball.

This happens right before God causes the famous flood that destroys everything on the earth except for Noah and everybody on his boat.

So of all the perversions mankind has ever invented, it appears the giant sex was the one thing that was just too weird for God, to the point that everyone else had to suffer for it.

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10 Most Inappropriate Comics Storylines Of All Time



Sex crazy convicts comic book

You get the Bible. Or large chunks of it, anyway. Sure, rather than using phrases such as "reverse frog squat," or "slinging manjam," Biblical sex is referenced almost exclusively as "coming in unto" a phrase still used by porn stars who tend to drop the "in unto". But once you get past the unimaginative verbs, the Bible has some nasty, nasty stories. Sunday school lessons tend to focus on God turning Lot's wife into a pillar of salt like she's starring in one of Sarah Connor's nightmares from T2.

It's the sort of imagery that might distract you from something like flagrant incest. But sure enough, at Genesis Or maybe they just thought that a world populated by exponentially degenerative DNA sounded funny. To their credit, maybe that's why we have viral videos today.

To Make it Even Weirder Speaking of people who might want to steer clear of drinking games, the Bible seems to blame the whole thing on booze, a strategy you'll recognize from work the morning after karaoke night. The alcohol in this case is wine, which raises the question: His boss, Laban, promised his daughter Rachel in exchange for seven years of work.

After the seven years, Laban pulled a fast one and swapped in his ugly daughter, Leah, instead: Continue Reading Below Advertisement Unless Leah and Rachel were sisters of the identical "Mary-Kate and Ashley" variety, there is very little reason why Jacob wouldn't realize fairly early in the process that he had the wrong sister.

Who knows, maybe they were serving some of Lot's date-rape wine at the party. The Torah offers further exposition in Megillah 13b: Jacob and Rachel had actually expected Laban to perform the wife-swap and devised a secret signal to reveal that it was really her under the veil apparently lifting the veil was too obvious a solution.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement However, in a last-minute display of womanly wile what Toran scholars agree is "bitchiness" in modern English , Rachel taught Leah the signal, and she used it to double-double cross Jacob, fucking him in every possible meaning of the word.

After waking up to the presumably hideous Leah, Jacob offered to work another seven years just to get Rachel. Leah, however, was named after "hidden beauty," or "butterface. If you read the passage again you'll notice that right in the middle of it is mention of a third woman: Zilpah, Leah's "hand maid. What was she doing there? Is it our fault that we're picturing that whole scene as just a writhing Chex mix of sex organs?

If you've ever heard masturbation referred to as "onanism", well, you've got one guy to thank. Onan was apparently one of the pioneers in the art of ejaculating somewhere other than into a sex partner, as we see in Judah Onan's the one in the background, walking away to go masturbate behind those rocks. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Now there's something a woman never forgets.

You're getting busy with your husband's brother, he splooges on the ground, and promptly gets slain by the LORD. This particular verse was taken slightly out-of-context when it gave birth to "onanism," which refers to both coitus interruptus and masturbation. It's probably just as well that he died, and didn't have to walk around the rest of his life listening to people refer to jerking off as "Doing an Onan.

This story became the basis for Christian arguments against masturbation. The story does not address the counter-argument: But more importantly, what about women? They don't have seeds to spill at their whimsy.

Yet female masturbation never come up in the thousand or so pages in which he rambles about everything from having almonds in your diet to how he owns an awesome robe.

Surely a fair God who loves all his children equally wouldn't allow women to masturbate and not men! Continue Reading Below Advertisement Or we could just point out that if God killed everyone who masturbated, Japan would have ceased to exist sometime in You'd think the Bible would've just edited out all of the misconceptions involving veils, considering how many times people accidentally have sex with the wrong person in this book. Pesky veils, and now our only excuses are This feels exactly like strangling my daughter-in-law.

Our women are free to just walk around with their faces flapping in the wind, heralding their identity to the world. You have to hand it to the countries where women still wear veils: Note that the frisky femme above is the same femme Tamar who got to witness Onan being slain by the LORD for coitus interruptus. Getting right back on that horse, Tamar! Only instead of a horse, it's Judah--Onan's dad.

If you don't think that's hot, you've The below references can be seen in 1: OK, the whole thing was pretty much "Titties, titties, I love titties. We don't know why this is in the Bible, and we don't care! If Danielle Steele wants to write songs about Solomons and throbbing members and shit, who are we to tell her no? Not Biblical scholars, that's who. If Soloman had stuck around to write the whole Bible, we might've gotten a more ripped Jesus and bodice cleavage so awesome it deserves a cinematic vehicle all its own.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement The reference to women with tower-breasts has caused some confusion, though. Since we prefer a literal interpretation, we think Solomon's concubines had breasts that were three stories tall with look-out posts in the cleavage.

Either way, the Bible is a bigger supporter of breasts than a push-up bra. If you don't like that, then you can be the one to explain to God why you chose to illustrate every book of the Bible except this one. But probably nothing in the book tops what happens in Genesis 6: Continue Reading Below Advertisement Just to be clear, because there is some confusion: We know a suspicious amount of information about sex, yes, and are pithy like House, but are not technically "doctors.

In case you haven't taken fifth grade science, it basically something about how Like we said, we're not doctors. We do know that the baby of an African person and a Chinese person looks kind of African and kind of Chinese; from this we can infer that the baby of a giant and a woman would look kind of like a HUGE baby. This did not deter the women of the day, who may have gone along with the whole thing based on a preconception about giants and giant genitalia.

We're guessing that didn't last long, as thresholds for pain eventually give way and even if they don't, vaginas do. And nine months later, surprise! You're giving birth to a veritable six-year-old! Hope you've been having so much giant-sex in the meantime that your vagina is approximately as passable as a Slip N Slide, because that's going to come in handy when Junior runs out of it, already holding a Nerf ball.

This happens right before God causes the famous flood that destroys everything on the earth except for Noah and everybody on his boat.

So of all the perversions mankind has ever invented, it appears the giant sex was the one thing that was just too weird for God, to the point that everyone else had to suffer for it.

Sex crazy convicts comic book

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3 Comments

  1. Cannot Spit It Out: Jon has had sex with men, at first as a search for people who can enter The Quiet and then apparently explored more off-panel, as he is confirmed bisexual by Word of God.

  2. Sunday school lessons tend to focus on God turning Lot's wife into a pillar of salt like she's starring in one of Sarah Connor's nightmares from T2. Yep, Leopold is one tough Pope.

  3. This truly bizarre comic book series is written by Ken Kristensen with art by M. There's a rave going on in the middle of the street.

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