That being said, there are some strategies for making the most out of the experience. Do Your Research Sex on the beach is usually not something you do spontaneously. It requires a bit of recon work beforehand. Look for private little coves or large rocks. You can even use Google Maps to find nooks you might not otherwise have noticed. Some beaches are filthy and just not worth the risk. Getting slapped with a fine for public indecency is one thing; getting arrested is another.
The most important is a big blanket, which you can use to protect yourselves from sand and to cover up quickly if someone walks by. The bigger the blanket the better. Another good item is a big sun-blocking umbrella, which can be used to shield your bodies from the eyes of passersby. A beach chair with a seat that is a few inches off the sand will give you a few more options for positions. If you really want privacy, look into a portable shade structure.
Bring a packet of tissues for clean-up afterwards. If you use condoms, bring a small plastic bag for condom disposal if you leave used condoms at the beach you deserve to forever have your genitals infested with sand fleas.
Pick out an easy-access outfit beforehand too. Women can wear a beachy sundress or a flowy skirt. Guys should wear shorts or a bathing suit that allows you to pull your junk out easily.
The most important piece of advice I can give you is to not be an idiot about it. In fact, read that article, then do the complete opposite of what those two did. Wait until dusk at the very least. The beach should be deserted. Enjoy yourselves, but keep an eye and an ear out for passersby. Keep your voices down, and try not to moan audibly. Maybe go on a romantic weekend getaway and rent an AirBnB that has a private strip of beach.
Or get a waterside hotel that has a private balcony overlooking the ocean and enjoy your view. In reality, having your exposed genitals anywhere near the sand is a recipe for disaster. The only successful beach sex occurs is in positions where your crotches are up in the air. Arguably the best beach sex positions is Doggystyle. This works for straight couples, gay couples, and anyone adventurous enough to bring a strap-on to the beach.
If you brought a beach chair, receiving partner on top works even better, and you can try facing each other or facing the same direction. On one hand, you can get away with a lot more having sex in the ocean rather than on the sand.
On the other hand, salt water can dry up natural lubrication, so some women may feel pain or discomfort trying to attempt intercourse.
Anal is going to be a no-go. And you have to be wary of tripping on rocks, getting bitten by sea creatures, and bacteria that may be in the water. For my money, oral sex and hand jobs can be a lot more fun than intercourse, and a whole hell of a lot easier to pull off. You can easily give each other handies in the water. Oral sex can be concealed with a blanket or under an umbrella.
Just remember kids, keep an eye out for those grandmas with cell phones! Illustration by Jim Cooke.