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Stuck in a sexless marriage

Stuck in a sexless marriage

I'm the one with the HL and my wife has an extremely LL. She denies it and says that at the age of 39, she sees herself as more sexual now that ever before. I think it's a lie and she feels ''good'' about saying that. I recently sat her down because I felt defeated, alone and depressed.

When we met in college, I loved I mean loved the sex we had. I believe we both enjoyed it. There were times when I would initiate, she would or we both did. Once we got married, even before kids, it all came to a skreeching halt. In the early years I watched porn to get my fix. I didn't watch it for the notion of seeing the women as objects, but rather longing for that passion and intimacy that was being played out. I've tried to kindly come to my wife multiple times and express my concerns.

She used to take great offense and would blame me for ''checking out'' during the day when I get home from work. She's told me that if she doesn't feel loved, then she's not going have sex. I explained to her that it's NOT all about the sex. I told her that when I have a stressful day or week at work, I just wish I could exit that reality and enter into a safe, passionate one with her at home.

Instead, I get her yelling at the kids, treating me like I'm another one of the children. Even when she's confronting me on something they may have done wrong earlier that day. She starts off by saying, ''I'm not against you", then she proceeds to tell me the WHOLE dialogue that occurred between her and the kid s that results in her yelling or blaming me for something.

I've even read books on marriage from the woman's perspective just so I could have a better understand Two years ago, 39, I came to the realization that maybe things won't change and that I'm stuck in this ''relation'' ship.

I'm more considering it to be a roommate that tag team with the kids. I know I'm a nice guy as I compare myself to several others I know and look at myself in the mirror to self reflect. They treat their wives like SHT. Now age 40, I'm starting to think that this is not what I signed up for I wonder if she thinks the same or if she's perfectly fine in the stage of life she's in.

She's on this feminist kick right now. Last night she told me she didn't need me and that I was a fcking sshole. She called me this because I simply asked her to not be on her cellphone so much. She is starting a network marketing business and says that it's my fault why she's going back to work.

She says she talks to me that way because she feels her point doesn't come across to me unless she does. That's a load of BS.

I know I've rambled on and on, but ANY feedback would be greatly appreciated or even a little encouragement. So, this leads me to the dilemma I face I won't initiate a divorce. I just don't believe that it's a resolving option. Like I said we have kids ages I've seen what it does to the kids and I'm not about to open pandora's box.

Then I just settle on the reality that I'll just have to deal with this state until all the kids are out of the house Right now I've started viewing online dating sites just to imagine what it would be like to be in a healthy relationship with someone. Someone that I could care for and have it reciprocated.

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Dr. Phil on How to Save a Sexless Marriage



Stuck in a sexless marriage

I'm the one with the HL and my wife has an extremely LL. She denies it and says that at the age of 39, she sees herself as more sexual now that ever before. I think it's a lie and she feels ''good'' about saying that. I recently sat her down because I felt defeated, alone and depressed. When we met in college, I loved I mean loved the sex we had.

I believe we both enjoyed it. There were times when I would initiate, she would or we both did. Once we got married, even before kids, it all came to a skreeching halt. In the early years I watched porn to get my fix. I didn't watch it for the notion of seeing the women as objects, but rather longing for that passion and intimacy that was being played out.

I've tried to kindly come to my wife multiple times and express my concerns. She used to take great offense and would blame me for ''checking out'' during the day when I get home from work. She's told me that if she doesn't feel loved, then she's not going have sex.

I explained to her that it's NOT all about the sex. I told her that when I have a stressful day or week at work, I just wish I could exit that reality and enter into a safe, passionate one with her at home.

Instead, I get her yelling at the kids, treating me like I'm another one of the children. Even when she's confronting me on something they may have done wrong earlier that day.

She starts off by saying, ''I'm not against you", then she proceeds to tell me the WHOLE dialogue that occurred between her and the kid s that results in her yelling or blaming me for something. I've even read books on marriage from the woman's perspective just so I could have a better understand Two years ago, 39, I came to the realization that maybe things won't change and that I'm stuck in this ''relation'' ship. I'm more considering it to be a roommate that tag team with the kids.

I know I'm a nice guy as I compare myself to several others I know and look at myself in the mirror to self reflect. They treat their wives like SHT. Now age 40, I'm starting to think that this is not what I signed up for I wonder if she thinks the same or if she's perfectly fine in the stage of life she's in. She's on this feminist kick right now. Last night she told me she didn't need me and that I was a fcking sshole. She called me this because I simply asked her to not be on her cellphone so much.

She is starting a network marketing business and says that it's my fault why she's going back to work. She says she talks to me that way because she feels her point doesn't come across to me unless she does. That's a load of BS. I know I've rambled on and on, but ANY feedback would be greatly appreciated or even a little encouragement. So, this leads me to the dilemma I face I won't initiate a divorce.

I just don't believe that it's a resolving option. Like I said we have kids ages I've seen what it does to the kids and I'm not about to open pandora's box.

Then I just settle on the reality that I'll just have to deal with this state until all the kids are out of the house Right now I've started viewing online dating sites just to imagine what it would be like to be in a healthy relationship with someone.

Someone that I could care for and have it reciprocated.

Stuck in a sexless marriage

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5 Comments

  1. My early efforts to initiate sex were unsuccessful; if anything, they made things worse, as I invariably felt rejected. This is a safe and effective way of listening.

  2. We are active and out there in the world, and our 50s are still supposed to be boom years. Then comes the quagmire of feeling stuck in limbo.

  3. We love each other and want to be together, but from time to time I feel lonely and undesirable, despite her assurances that she still finds me attractive.

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