How do I keep him from going in the wrong hole? I am 23, so this will probably sound silly and foolish but I don't have anyone else to ask these things so here goes: First off, how do you know it's in the right hole? My boyfriend and I were getting involved last night for the first time, and at first it hurt horribly like I was being ripped apart. He re-adjusted and it still hurt a little but nothing like before, it was mostly just a lot of pressure. Was he in the wrong hole before?
How do I keep that from happening? Also his penis is BIG and my vagina is not. How far in should he go? Can he cause damage by going too far? Thanks for the advice. I don't think these questions are silly or foolish. Most of us, and I count myself in this group, don't get many opportunities to learn about our bodies, or much about sex , and find ourselves either figuring things out as we go along or searching for information to help us. Sometimes that's even the case for people in their 30s, 40s and beyond.
So, there's no judgment from me on these questions, nor would I say there should be from anyone else. Lots of people don't know what's going on with their genital anatomy , or with other parts of their body, either. So, without further ado: An Anatomy Lesson A person with a vulva actually has three "holes" or what I prefer to call openings per their genitals: Starting at the front of the body, we first have the urethral opening, where one urinates from.
This opening is very, very tiny, so it likely isn't the opening you're talking about. Next comes the vagina, then, finally, the anus. The vagina and anus are adjacent to one another, separated by a narrow band of tissue and muscle called the perineum. They're quite different in structure. The vaginal opening is surrounded by, and, for some people, hidden by the inner and outer labia , while the anal opening is a sphincter, a ring of muscle, leading into the anus, which in turn leads to the rectum.
From your question, it sounds like you want your boyfriend's penis to end up in your vagina, for vaginal intercourse. I wanted to clarify this because some people enjoy anal intercourse , and for those people, the penis ending up in the anus isn't the wrong spot at all.
There are other reasons besides having genitals not fit together in a way that is comfy for your body for intercourse to be uncomfortable, painful, or not pleasurable. At the end of this, I'll give you some reading material that will, I think, give you more to think about and More to try in your quest for satisfying partnered sex. No matter which opening you wanted your boyfriend's penis to enter, there really is no way for me, or anyone, to tell you whether it ended up in your vagina or your anus unless they were watching you at the time.
Given their proximity to each other, either or both are possibilities. If you felt pressure in or around your anus, that doesn't necessarily mean that your boyfriend's penis entered there. The tissue between the vagina and anus -- internally and externally -- isn't very thick at all, and they're almost stacked on top of one another inside your body, so pressure or sensation in one opening can often be felt in the other.
Plus, all the muscles of the pelvic area are connected in some way, so any pressure on the vaginal muscles can translate into pressure on the anal and rectal muscles, and vice versa.
I can tell you how you and your boyfriend can make sure, for next time, that his penis ends up in the place you want it. Either one or both of you can guide his penis with your hands to your vaginal opening and help it enter. There's this belief out there, I think, that the penis just automatically knows where to go, like some kind of heat-seeking missile. But contrary to the many jokes out there jokes I'm not at all fond of about people with penises having their brains between their legs instead of between their ears, penises don't have brains and don't make decisions.
Not only that, but where the people with the actual brains and real decision-making capabilities want the penis to go will be different for everyone -- some people might not want penetration at all and will just want the penis to rub on the outside of the genitals; some will be interested in vaginal intercourse; some will be interested in anal intercourse. Some people will want all or some of these activities based on what they want on a particular day or with a particular partner.
As you can see, that's an awful lot of responsibility for a body part that doesn't have the capacity to think. Better, then, for people to take charge of making sure it gets where they both want it.
There is also, I think, this idea that once intercourse or any other sexual activity starts, it's a seamless, almost self-propelling event requiring little input from the participants. What instead tends to happen in reality for most people, most of the time, is that sexual activities involve stops and starts, a need for repositioning genitals and other body parts, and sometimes, for activities involving genitals specifically--a need to put genitals or other body parts back where both partners want them after they've slipped or fallen out of position.
Actually, I'd say this sort of figuring things out happens with most sexual activities, and with most partners, regardless of how long they've been together or how much experience they have with a given sexual activity..
As for how deeply your boyfriend's penis can or should be inside your vagina? That's up to you and about what feels comfortable and good for you. Your vagina has an end, so his penis can only go so far. Your body is the best guide for what feels good versus what is too much.
If his penis inside your vagina at certain depths or entering in certain ways is uncomfortable for you, that's a clear sign to just do something different so that his penis will not go so deeply or be at those angles. Our bodies are designed to tell us what they need and want by how something feels to us, and what they don't need and want, so you really can trust your gut on this one, and go with what is comfortable, not-painful, pleasurable or all three for you.
I know it may seem as if his penis is much bigger than your vagina, but the vagina is really quite elastic. It also expands, in both length and width, with sexual arousal , and, as it turns out, when aroused, the average length of the vaginal canal is almost identical to the average penis length. For the full low-down on vagina size, take a look at this. While everyone's specific angles and sizes are going to be different, it's pretty uncommon to encounter a couple for whom the penis and vagina just don't fit at all when both people are very turned on, want to be engaging in intercourse, are taking their time, using lubricant , and no one has any vulvovaginal health conditions or issues -- like vulval or vaginal pain conditions.
What More Can You Do to help with this? It sounds like you might not be very familiar with your own genitals. If that's the case, or even if you do feel like you're familiar, I'd suggest taking some time to get to know them, or know them better. I think this'd help you both in knowing your body better and in positioning your body for sex with your boyfriend.
Here's some material on anatomy, including some diagrams, to get you started with that: