It's been weeks since you and your lady got it on. Or maybe, even months. Which is tough to swallow, because things started off so well between the two of you. But somehow, you went from not being able to keep your hands off each other to barely kissing each other goodnight. As it turns out, there are a ton of different reasons why women stop wanting to have sex , and they run the gamut in terms of how serious they are, and what each of them mean for the future of your relationship.
To figure out the scenarios that are the most common, we asked a few women to dish on the reasons they've stopped having sex with their partners in the past and then asked a few sex and relationship experts for their take on what causes these issues, and how to go about fixing them — if possible.
Why Women Stop Having Sex Here are a few reasons why women stop having sex, and what you can do about it. She's Stressed Out "My college boyfriend and I hit a major dry spell when I was in my last semester of school," says Kayla, Not only were my boyfriend and I barely seeing each other once a week, but when we'd finally have the chance to hang out, I'd either fall asleep to whatever we were watching, or I'd be so stressed out about the stuff I had to get done when I got home that the last thing on my mind was getting laid.
She Feels Taken For Granted "After being with my boyfriend for about a year, we started to fall into this routine," says Misty, But cut to a year of dating and all of a sudden it was like we were an old married couple, and not in a good way.
He stopped pursuing me the way he had, and he'd just expect me to jump on his dick whenever he got hard and was in the mood. But he'd never do anything to get me hot and bothered like he used to. So I started to brush off his requests, and before I knew it, a month had passed and we hadn't done it. Then I found out he cheated on me with a friend, and we called it quits.
Top 10 Signs You're About To Break Up When you're in a relationship, it's easy to get into a groove of just having sex whenever you initiate it with your partner — without having to do all of the legwork. But dating relationship expert Benjamin Ritter says that if you want to keep the spark alive in your sex life, you've got to keep that chase alive, too — and not take your woman's willingness to give it up whenever you want it for granted.
You're Not Communicating With Each Other "My ex was a lawyer had a really demanding work schedule, and it got to the point where I felt so disconnected from him," says Laura, When we would have sex, I felt like I was doing it with a stranger. Which made me just not want to even do it anymore.
Be open about your frustration and try to work through the issues that are bothering her. How do you go about doing that? Also asking, what would make you feel close to me and how can we make that happen? But once that faded, it just wasn't doing it for me.
He was a few years younger than me and would have sex with me like we were in a porno, going at me like a jackhammer. I'd try and get him to slow down and other stuff to remedy the problem, but ultimately none of it worked. I would go home and get myself off after we had just done it, because I wasn't satisfied. Eventually I started to make up excuses for not having sex. And then we ended it. But for the sake of saving your relationship, dating coach Robert Kandell says it's worth taking a hard look at your sex life, and asking your partner some tough questions.
To make matters worse, most women will not take the chance of educating a man on how they truly wish to be pleased. This has led to a society of uninformed men and angry women. Because women are not having the sex they truly want, they will say no when their partners' offers. Men then get more frustrated and demanding which leads to more sex.
Get honest and open. She's Bored "It wasn't because the sex was bad," says Allyson, Any time I'd try to put us into a new position , we'd end up back in our same old Missionary shortly after.
One time I tried to fool around with him in the back of a cab and he basically chastised me like a child. The final straw was when we hadn't had sex for weeks, and we were staying in my parents' house the night before my sister's wedding. The change of scene and being back in the bedroom I had when I was a teenager finally had me horny for him.
He wouldn't do it. He told me he was too nervous we'd wake someone up and that he wouldn't be able to get it up. I just couldn't anymore. Ask and try out what feels good to both of you. But as clinical psychologist Dr. Dathan Paterno explains, doing the deed has a more meaningful component to it for women.
Of course, men need emotional intimacy too. But for many men, the warm fuzzies are a pleasant byproduct of sex, rather than one of the primary drivers. Paterno says that for women, the act of someone else wanting and pursuing them activates that "on switch. Signs She's Satisfied So, how do you know if you're doing a great job in bed? One indicator is that she leads the charge in getting things going. Another factor to pay attention to post-coitus is whether or not there's an obvious change in how she's feeling.
Tessina says that, believe it or not, a woman's nipples say it all. Tessina, being able to relax during sex is a big sign of sexual satisfaction for a woman.
So it's in your best interest to put in some extra effort in to make sure she's comfortable and not stressed. Romero-Bosch says you should make things easy on yourself and just ask.
But if there is open communication and dialogue about all things in your relationship, then simply asking her about how she is feeling in that department, then she should tell you so. Understanding the Sexual Desire Spectrum For most women, the drivers behind sex and satisfaction are pretty straightforward. But it's also important to note that some women who identify as asexual or demisexual, or fall lower on the sexual desire spectrum are not textbook cases.
This can change over time, or remain that way their entire life. This can be both biological hormones and physiology , or from some type of early severe psychological trauma. McGough says this may not be due to a past trauma and shouldn't be viewed as something to be fixed. This can be of actual biological origin or from strong religious or cultural influences.
Other Factors That Impact Female Sex Drive Because one of the big drivers behind why women want to have sex is the need for emotional intimacy, it's not surprising that the deeper they get into relationship stages, the more they want to have sex. McGough says, "factors that are important for women's desire for intercourse. It also can cause some women to seek out other men in an act of revenge against her partner's infidelity, or to help her feel that she is still sexually desirable.