But in some ways I regret that first time. But the sexual identity that can be attached to bestiality, zoophilia, remains little understood. Here, a year-old man from Canada describes his life as a zoophile attracted to female horses.
When did you first realize you were attracted to horses? The first time I saw a horse I was 7 years old. There was a carnival in a parking lot across the street from my house and it had a parade of them walking around in circles. I bawled my eyes out.
I think I was bothered by how awful the situation was for them. All they did was go 'round and 'round; I could sense something about that in their attitude. Did you experience sexual feelings? No, I was only 7. It was a very interesting book — everything you ever wanted to know about horses. I feel like my sexual development was bang on — I just had a different affection.
So the book aroused you? Did you masturbate over the images of horses? So that would be when I was first aware that I was different. I always was on the lookout for horses when I was traveling. Sometimes I wonder if I just lacked the courage. This was during puberty. Did you have sexual feelings toward humans as well? No, not until later in high school when it came to be the expected thing. What was your adolescence like? Did you experiment sexually? My interest was horses.
At school you could have called me asexual. Did you date at all? I did ask a girl to the prom. Now that I look back, I feel so sorry for her.
As much as I later experimented with people, I was always sure I wanted horses. My first kiss was from a man named Mark. He was aware of my sexual preference and interested himself in dogs after a fashion. That was about two months after I lost my virginity, so I was about So you had your first kiss after you lost your virginity? Did you lose your virginity to a horse or a human? There must have been a lot of buildup. Yes, the pressure builds and builds and builds. How did you find a sex partner?
One of my friends had access to a nice female pony, and he let me have sex with her. What was it like? My friend was there at the time, and he was holding her head. The sexual experience itself was incredible.
So I kind of wish it had been different. I think a lot of people build up that first experience and whether they are straight or a zoophile. So, how do you have sex with a mare? Do you always develop an intimate relationship with her first? I had her in the barn. We were in a barn with all the lights out and a nice warm heater; it was lovely. So, she was settling in for the night, and I went to the stall and I just sat in the corner. I never use a halter or any kind of restraint.
So, she chooses to come with me, and I leave her food and she puts her head on my chest and we snuggle and I whisper sweet nothings in her ear and rub her cheeks — what she likes. She really loves the area between the back of her legs touched.
I slip my hands up a little further up and play with her genitals. Use a water bucket to stand on. In the case of the first time with my current mare friend I was sitting with my back to the wall, and she had actually pressed into my face hard enough that I was pinned there performing oral sex. She was enjoying it. We did that for about 20 or 30 minutes.
They need a lot of stimulation. This leads me to the penetrative sex. Because horses love biting things I was a little bit concerned; I kept my hand in a way that I could save myself if I needed to. But the really interesting thing is that after having oral sex she turned away from me, lifted her tail, and walked backward into me and actually onto me. Unfortunately, the bucket was buckling, and I fell off. So while there was penetrative sex, that was my first big time with my mare friend: Are there health and safety concerns?
How did you know how to do it safely — did you educate yourself first? There are a lot of things to think about. A horse is going to give you his butt before he will ever give you his head. And, of course, that does happen. There are some people whom I would never want to associate with because they are not good people, but there are bad people in life in general.
Sex with animals is just so poorly studied. We are a varied community: What sex acts do you usually engage in?
I mostly have oral sex with mares. And, as I discovered, mares taste very, very nice, like mown grass or fresh hay, and they really enjoy oral stimulation. How can you tell when a mare is having an orgasm? She makes noises and grunts. Between 15 and 20 horses, and about six or seven humans.
Can you remember each encounter? I remember all the mares, but the male horses not so much. Was that anal sex? Masturbation and anal sex.
When it comes to humans, do you identify as gay or straight? Why did that change? My therapist tells me that probably had a profound effect on me When did you seek therapy, and why?
I saw a clinical psychologist following a recent trauma around two friends suddenly dying, and this perhaps reactivated the trauma of the death of my first love. After questioning her repeatedly on what she was legally required to do if I confessed certain things to her, I decided to come clean and explain to her why horses are so important to me.
After consulting with her mentors, experts, and other sources, she told me that she felt I didn't need treatment for my attraction.
To which I went, "Well, duh. You associated the trauma of your first love dying with your homosexual experience? It was raw trauma. When I heard the news I was in upstate New York with some friends. I remember everyone was trying to console me, and I left the house and went out to the pasture and just screamed. But yes, that was definitely traumatic. He was the first person I ever loved. My gender preference changed. But not with horses, right?
That is true, yes. It has always been mares. Are you monogamous with mares? I have two mares, and one is my mare friend and the other one is just a mare.